Adjusting.

I haven't been blogging much in the last few weeks since school started.  Partly because we are adjusting to a new schedule, and partly because I am beyond exhausted.  I have to say it is a challenge for me to work so late and then be up so early and rush to get both kids fed, Peyton dressed and ready for school.  Olivia has not been sleeping well lately (more on that in her 8 month post coming up soon) so I am a complete zombie most days.  Here's an example of a Wednesday morning...

After getting off work at midnight....

6:30ish: Olivia wakes up...I pretend I'm still dreaming and that she's really not awake yet. 

6:45: Peyton walks into my room, "Mom, my sister is awake."

6:50: I force myself up and get Olivia, change her and make her a bottle.

7:00: Peyton goes potty and then goes to make himself breakfast...oatmeal, toast or cereal while I feed her her bottle.

7:15: I lay out Peyton's clothes on his bed and head to the kitchen so Olivia and I can eat breakfast...rice cereal w/fruit, and some Cheerios for her.  Me: oatmeal with peanut butter most days, yum!

7:30: While Peyton brushes his teeth, wipes his face, and gets dressed, I give Pancho his medicine, wash Olivia's bottles and clean up the kitchen.

7:45: Check on Peyton to see how he's doing and help him if needed. Then get Olivia dressed.

7:50: Brush my teeth, throw on some clothes and make sure I don't look like a crazy person.

7:55: Pour myself some coffee. Can't survive or drive without it.

8:00: Out the door. 

8:45: Home from dropping Peyton off.  Spend some time playing with Olivia, although she's usually winding down by this time and ready for a nap.

9:15(ish): Put Olivia down for her nap.

9:30-10:55 Get a quick workout in, shower, and straighten up the house a bit.

10:55: Wake Olivia up (lately she's been up earlier due to her lack of napping.)

11:00: Leave to get Peyton.

I can't stress enough, how thankful I am that Peyton can fend for himself.  He does have some days where he dilly-daddles and wants me to help him with everything, but most of the time he does great. 

Here's some pics from the last few weeks...

He still loves to help with his sister.

She just really hasn't been a happy camper lately...due to lack of sleeping and she has a cold she's been battling.

I seriously just love him!

She will last in the walker for about 10-15 min before she's had enough. 

Eating some carrots with his lunch.

Today we spent some time at the park.  It's the last dry day for a while, but man was it windy!!

My loves. (How is she so big already?!)

Windy attempt at getting a pic of us

back pack

I got Peyt a new back pack for school and he's a tad bit obsessed with it.  It's a Lightening McQueen back pack and he told me that he wants to keep it forever.  We'll see if he's still carrying it around in high school.  :) 

He wears it around the house.  Puts Bruiser in it.  Packs a picnic in it.  Rides his bike with it on. And always keeps his school notebook in it.  He even put a toy for Olivia in it when we went outside today. 

Taking a break from riding and studying with his notebook.  (matching Lightening McQueen bike, helmet, and back pack). 

I ♥ him

365

Dear Mama,

It's been 365 days since you left this earth. How can that be? It feels like yesterday. This year without you, the longest ever without you, has hands-down been the hardest time of my life. It still doesn't feel real to me. I look at pictures of you and still deny the truth. There are so many emotions I have felt since you passed...sadness, obviously. Anger...why someone SO undeserving like you had to suffer, had to fight so hard and still end up losing, to be taken away too early. Why?! Jealousy...as a mom I'm so jealous of others who get to share many years to come with their mother as their child's grandmother. It's not fair. And I feel horribly guilty for feeling that way. Peyton got 3.5 years. Olivia got none. They will be forever short-changed of such a great and perfect grandma. I hope Peyton remembers all his memories he had with you so he can share with his sister. Relief...that you aren't suffering anymore. It was so hard watching you wither away. You were amazingly strong, though...you never complained. Anxiety...I don't like the unfamiliarness of you gone, I'm still not used to it and it makes me feel crazy. Your house is empty without you, but still full of you, your smell. Our family struggles to function without you, it's a huge gaping hole...something horribly missing that we all cannot deny. You were our glue that held us all together. Tension is high and we're fighting hard to stay bonded...and to be there for Dad. You can't even imagine how much he misses you.

Everyday is a struggle for me and the tears come fast, easy, and often. I still get the urge to call you-after work just to talk about nothing, wanting to tell you about my day, knowing without a doubt that you care and want to know, to tell you about each and every milestone the kids reach. This year Peyton learned to ride his bike with no training wheels and just a few weeks ago, he tied his shoes all by himself. He would have been so proud to show you mom. He's such a great big brother. He is still so young and doesn't fully grasp that you're gone...permanently. Just a couple weeks ago, we were praying before bed, and he said he wanted to pray for you and for great-grandma in heaven, like he often does. Then he said to me "Mommy, I want Grandma to come home now" and "Why did she have to be sick?" I laid there in his bed with him, holding him as tears ran down my cheeks, struggling for the words to come. He has been a huge comfort for me. I love that kid and I know you did so much too.

I didn't realize how much I relied on you for parenting/newborn advice until Olivia was born. Those first few months with my new baby was torture without you. You would love Olivia mama, she sure is something special. Shes gorgeous and has some of your mannerisms. This is by far the thing that tears me apart the most. It absolutely kills me that she will never know you. I will one day tell her all about you...memories, pictures, everything. I can't wait for that, as hard as it may be.

Telling you that I miss you is an understatement. I lost a part of me when you passed. No one can ever take that place in my heart. You were so much a part of my daily routine and life. You...The only one 100% interested in every tidbit of my day. Unconditional love only a mom, only YOU could give. What am I supposed to do when I want to sit and drink coffee and sit in the sun at your house in the mornings? Or our morning shopping trips, laughing, making fun of each other, baking cookies, and experimenting with new recipes before I have to work? I can still replay your laugh in my head, your same voicemail you would leave when I missed your call, you singing happy birthday to me on the phone every year. I hope that never leaves my brain.

I always knew you were a patient and kind person but now I can honestly say I've never, ever met anyone as selfless as you. Always kind, always looked out for others, never raised your voice, and so full of love. The world needs more people like you.

I hope, no, I know you are loving paradise and I know you're watching over us. I swear I feel you near at times. Funny and weird thing is that I have seen an abundant amount of butterflies in the past year. I see them constantly when I'm running, frolicking with me as I jog. I opened the back door one afternoon and one flied right in my face trying to fly into the house!! There is always one fluttering around me and the kids while outside playing. It could be that I just never noticed them before, but I like to think that it's you checking up on us....watching Peyton grow up so fast and getting to know the granddaughter you never got to hold. Mom, I'm trying really hard to move on with life without you. I won't ever forget what a great mama you were to all 5 of us kids, and an irreplaceable grandmother to all 14 of your grandchildren. I will strive to be the patient, loving, protective, and wonderful mother to my kids as well. You're a tough act to follow...

I love you mom, forever and always and I will never stop missing you.

Love,
Your Nicoley-oley-olio

First Day of School

Today was Peyton's first day of preschool at his new school!  We enrolled him in a private Catholic school nearby that is K-8th grade.  I can already tell it was a good change.  He did so well today, not one tear and so cute in his uniform!  Love you Peyt!

Blue Lake

Yesterday we headed over to Blue Lake with the Hadley's for a BBQ lunch and water park fun.  It was so packed there!!  But a good time..

Birthdays

Saturday morning we headed down to the Pearl at Jamison's Square for Layton's 5th birthday party! It was perfect weather for a day at the water park. 

Happy Birthday Layton!!!

Then we headed over to celebrate Austin's 8th birthday again, this time with family.  I forgot my camera but took a few pics/video with my phone.  Happy Birthday Austin!!

Opening gifts

Peyton loves Bill, Austin's guinea pig

 Then we all got a hold of one of Austin's gifts...the incognito mask.

  Yeah, we're idiots.  We laughed so hard.

My name is Humpty, pronounced with an Umpty. 

I like my oatmeal lumpy..

Olivia loves her Uncle Randy...

First zoo trip

On Thursday, I decided to take Peyton and Olivia to the zoo.  I realized that we hadn't been to the zoo ALL year and this was Olivia's first time!  Now that she is getting a bit bigger, and if I start getting a little more consistent sleep/energy we hopefully can get out more during the week. 
(Cick photos to enlarge)

7 Months

Another month has flown by and Olivia is 7 months! She is getting really close to crawling, I'm thinking it may happen in the next month or so.  She is getting so big!  She has grown out of all her 9-month clothes and fits perfectly in 12 month clothes.  She is just so long.  She is still teething.  She now has 4 teeth on top, with two more cutting through now, and 2 on the bottom.  She has been a lot happier lately, but still has fussy moments that I'm sure are from teething pain.  Eating-wise she has tried a lot more different foods, and has done a tad better with fruit.  New foods we've tried this month include, peaches, pears, yogurt, blueberries. I've decided for meat, to buy organic jarred baby food instead of making my own.  Summer vegetable dinner, chicken mango risotto, chicken tomato pastina we've tried so far and she loves all of those.  The ones that seem the least appetizing are the ones she loves the most, crazy girl. She's also finally warmed up to eating puffs...and practicing feeding herself. She's always a little wary and gives me the side-eye as I give her food...like she's wondering what the heck I'm trying to give her now.  :)  She's sleeping ok..she tends to wake up during the night on hot nights, but otherwise sleeps through.  A couple months ago in the midst of bad teething, she stopped sucking her thumb.  I've given her a binky to just chew on as a teething toy, and she sometimes will actually suck on it.  It's calmed her down and soothed her to sleep a few times, but she's still not dependent on it nor a huge fan of it.
She's definitely having separation anxiety and stranger anxiety.  As I sit on the floor with her and play or as I'm folding clothes while she plays, she will constantly reach out for me and make sure I'm still there or tug on my clothes, and climb up to me wanting me to hold her or to sit on my lap. If she is around people she doesn't know or hasn't seen in a while, she will get upset and just want B or I.  I don't remember Peyton having this so early..if at all.

Loves:
Being held.  She would be perfectly content being held ALL day.
Sitting like a big girl in the shopping cart and babbling to all the people in the store.
Her teething mesh feeder.
Peyton.
Men!  She will cry for a woman stranger, but will flirt and smile for all the men.  Yikes..
Sitting on Daddy's shoulders.
Spiders.  She loves to play with all of Peyton's plastic toy spiders. 

Hates:
Being held cradle-style.
Water on her face.
The vacuum and hair dryer..scares her to death.

Practicing her sippy cup skills with some water

Her spider friend

At first we weren't sure what she was doing, but it turns out she is waving to us!

 Here's a video...

First shopping cart experience at Costco.  I wish Peyton still fit in a cart so they could both sit in there!

Love you baby girl!! Happy 7 months!